OMG … not the sock monster?!?!

“Okay, granted this problem is exacerbated by the cruel fact that I am going through caffeine free diet coke withdrawal, but nonetheless………
I have a SOCK MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!
I am doing laundry and I would really like to know why this creature takes such glee in depleting my already low supply of socks?????!!!!!!!!!!! AND when I have been without my diet coke for almost 24 hours.
So my point? Hmmmmm not sure I have one other than some laughs.
Anyone else have this problem? Anyone have ways to combat the beast? I know I know one can always put the socks in the hamper instead of dropping them on the floor to be lost and eaten (right?)
I am so not a housekeeper though *pout* I need a houseboi I think.
Okay I am rambling now. Someone save me from the SOCK MONSTER!!!!!!!!! Pretty please?

M”

“Yes I am familiar with these gnomes that plague unsuspecting defenseless caring loving kind people. In our house it is the silverware gnome. Of all things silverware, especially spoons. What a gnome would want with a spoon is quite befuddeling, however spoons are it’s favorite.

S”

My response???

WOW, didn’t you know that the gnomes polish the spoons and use them for mirrors? and the dust bunnies are sweet little fluffy things that wouldn’t hurt a fly. But ohhhhhh the dreaded sock monster. it lurks under your bed or dresser or behind the clothes hamper just waiting for that lost and lonely sock and then with the stealth of a lioness hunting her prey … it POUNCES … and drags the poor bedraggled sock into its lair, bundles it up in a web of sticky goo and leaves it there for the rest of its life. leaving You hunting high and low, calling out for your poor lost sock … words like SHIT and DAMN and Where in the hell did it disappear to and such unrestrained expletives. Yes, even GW suffers from the sock monster but he thinks its a terrorist plot to overthrow him … and Melissa Etheridge … yes she too curses the sock monster … think about it … she sang a song very appropriately titled “Down To One”. AND Bono, from U2 … yep, you got it … the sock monster … he sang about it too … “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. So I am leaving you a poem to learn in hopes that it will scare off the sock monster.

I had a pair of fuzzy socks they kept my toes so warm,
but I took them off to wash them not thinking they’d come to harm.
I put them in the hamper with all the dirty clothes,
and when I went to sort them out I had to hold my nose.
I have this innate habit of counting socks you see,
I sometimes count to one or two but NEVER count to three.
But recently I’ve noticed as I sort my clothes to wash,
That more and more I get to one, not two … OH GOSH!
I can’t go out with one sock blue and the other pink,
why what on earth would all the people start to think.
So dammit mister sock monster, leave my socks alone,
or else I’ll have to move away and leave you here to moan.
Just think how boring it would be if I did that to you,
you wouldn’t have a sock to steal … what would you do.
I’m not giving up this fight for what I want to wear,
I like my socks and want you please to put them there … right there.
You see that corner in my room the one all nice and dark?
When I wake up I want my socks to be there nicely parked.
So goodnight mister sock no more monster if you please,
now I’m off to chase dust bunnies and hope that I don’t sneeze.

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