Where is the true dominance?

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Several months ago I was asked the following question and asked if I would mind responding in the form of an essay … the question ??? “where is the true dominance?” … I thought some of you might be interested in reading how I responded.

I have made the acquaintance of a Domme who had to write essays. During our conversation, I inquired about the subjects of these and was greatly impressed. I love bettering myself. I feel that it does not matter if a person is dominant or submissive, that both traits have to desire to learn.

A dominant cannot take on the responsibility of a submissive if they do not know and understand themself. This cannot and does not happen over night. We do not suddenly decide that we want to be a dominant. A lot of what makes us this way is innate. Even more HAS to be learned. A person with a dominant personality in everyday life … work, family, etc. may very well be submissive in a D/s bdsm environment and vice-versa.

The question remains unanswered … where is the true dominance? Is it physically evident? To that I say no … not in the way muscles are seen rippling or the shine of one’s hair or the colour of one’s skin is evident. A person need not be dressed in red, white and blue and wear a huge “D” on their chest proclaiming themselves to be Superdomme.

Is true dominance something that can be felt? Most certainly yes, it is, but not as a flogger or a singletail is felt. I believe it is felt through the bearing, the demeanor of a person. The way they walk into a room and without saying a word capture the eye.

Well, can true dominance be heard? Definitely … in the softest compelling whisper. The tonal inflections of a voice and in the very words that voice utters. Knowing what to say and when is an ability we all hope we have. Anyone can tell someone to do something but to do so in a way that instills confidence or even with the softest voice lets someone know they have done something wrong, I believe this is something to strive for.

Just over two years ago I wrote these words … “It has always been my belief, that it does not take an “iron fist” or a “cold heart” to control someone. The same outcome can be reached through the use of a “kid glove” and a “warm heart” if used correctly. Merely the correct tone of voice can reduce a submissive who is feeling particularly bold to a quivering, whimpering, bowl of jello.” Do I still feel that way? Without a shadow of a doubt.

A dominant is entrusted with one of the most precious gifts ever. That gift is the mind, body and soul of a submissive. A submissive who sees something in this dominant that screams out to them. That says without words … I am here, you are safe. In that way a dominant is very much like a parent of a small child.

As much as submission is a mindset, a feeling within one’s heart that makes them feel comfortable and warm, so it is that dominance can also be seen to be a mindset. Not only that but it is also the will, the inner love and compassion that a person feels towards another. The ability to earn respect, trust and the love of another person can sometimes be a difficult thing. Through open (and to this point I add) even to the point of being painfully so, honest communication this is achieved … we hope.

True dominance is an innate mindset, it is the desire to teach, the desire to give physical and mental safety and security. It is the thing that enables us to take hold of someone’s mind and heart and compel them to do better, to strive to do things that perhaps in their past they have been afraid to do and still allow them to be themselves.

Can true dominance be learned? I think not … one can improve ones “skills” but the basic entity of dominance is something we are either born with or not and then throughout our lives we hone and glean knowledge that makes us better. Much like a General studies the battle strategies of his predecessors in order to win his own battles, a dominant learns from their more experienced peers. Generals like dominants are born not made but through the trials and errors of those before them, those around them, and those they make themselves, for inevitably they will … they become better.

So where, you ask me is true dominance? I think it has its home in the heart but shows itself through the words, the actions, the unspoken yet somehow felt thoughts of a person. It can be seen in the softest of smiles or in the twinkle of an eye. It can be felt in the sting of a disciplinary slap or the softest caress. It is shown in every day existence by doing the same as any great leader would do and that is by leading from the front, by setting a good enough example that others will not only want to follow but WILL follow. It is the ability to be yourself as opposed to putting on airs and graces in a vain attempt to impress.

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