A Dream …

Three years ago today, having defeated breast cancer and won my life, that life ended.

As I sit and remember with a soft smile, I know I do have so much to be thankful for. While I travelled the path of grief, I went through stages. Anger, guilt, hatred, sorrow, love, happiness … I built walls, tamping the concrete into place, laying each brick with care and praying … that no one would EVER come along and make a move to knock them down.

While surfing one of my favourite websites today, I read a post in the forums that made me smile. Someone had placed the lyrics to a song there. That song was one that during my initial weeks of grieving, someone played for me. They told me to listen to the lyrics and have faith. That all things in life happen for a reason.

Well, I’ve always said that. I mean, if there were not a reason, would my son have been born at all? If there were not a reason, would I have survived breast cancer? It could be the luck of the draw, but on the other hand, I do believe that we all are here for a reason. That we have some pre-ordained task to do before our time on Earth is over.

“Why?”, I hear you ask. Well let me explain …

In June 2001, I was working in a care facility. I loved my work, the staff and the residents there. I took my work seriously but had fun too. I was responsible for several residents. This meant getting the up in the morning, giving them their breakfast, washing and dressing them, etc.

One of my people was a dainty senior lady. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks were the colour of the palest of roses and her soft smile lit up the room. I walked into her room and stooped down beside her bed, calling her name softly till she woke up. I talked to her as her eyes fluttered open and once she had roused more completely, I eased back the covers and lifted her from her bed and turned to settle her in her chair. As I did, her head knocked against my chest. It wasn’t hard, but it certainly caused me to catch my breath. The pain shot through me like a hot knife. I said nothing to her but settled her and draped her bed jacket over her shoulders, a blanket over her lap and legs and went to get her breakfast.

Once fed, I left her to semi-digest her meal and allow the cleaning staff to change bed linens and tidy her room. I went in search of the head nurse and explained about the pain I had felt. I was told that there was a breast cancer mobile scan nearby and to go right away to it. I did, but was refused a scan. The reason being I was too young at 46 to qualify.

Thouroughly disgusted and angry too, I returned to the facility and told the head nurse. I was handed the phone and told to call my GP. As normal, I was told I could be seen in two weeks. Having had enough already, I said nothing and hung up the phone. Head nurse asks when the appointment is for and is told, the air turned blue with her rage and she hit redial on the phone. She in her capacity, told the secretary at the surgery that two weeks was deplorable and that a formal complaint would be lodged by her on my behalf (yep, she was a b*tch when she had to be). The result was an appointment near enough the next day. That was the third week of June and on July 4th, 2001 I was told I had breast cancer.

The reason this story is poignant? The little lady whose head hit my chest passed away in my arms with that soft smile on her lips that same afternoon. So you see, that is why I am a believer.

I mentioned a song earlier. I’d like to share the lyrics with you. Maybe they will give you hope, serve to inspire you in a time of trouble.

A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes

[Written by: Mack David, Al Hoffman and Jerry Livingston, used in Cinderella]

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true

Have hope and faith. I got the all clear on August 29th, 2008.

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