The title of this post comes from the title of a thread at butchfemmedance.com The following questions were posed and I’ve added my response, as I posted it.
I didn’t know where to put this, so I hope this is the right spot.
What does it mean to be yourself without worrying what others think? Or worrying about having others abandon you?
How do you do it? What supports you? Are there any resources you can recommend?
I’m trying to learn how to do this.
What does it mean to be myself and not worry about what others think? It means that I am comfortable, that I am secure within my “identity”, my persona. I was abandoned, initially by parents who didn’t understand. Abused by a father who felt he could change my mind. But in the end, they learned … through seeing my happiness and through learning that it was ok to ask questions.
Even in the recent past, I was still having a few issues, not because of WHO I was but because of HOW I was … left scarred by breast cancer and having my partner of 20 ish years find that she could not deal with the scars or perhaps what they stood for, which led to her not being able to talk about it or touch them. This turned me into a depressed and angry person, but also into a person who spent a lot of time locked in thought, wondering why. I never found out, she took the reasons to her grave.
I’ve learned many things from my present girlfriend. An uber-femme who is world-wise and witty among other things, she has shown me the path of patience and understanding and of looking at life in a different way. To her I say thank you, with all my heart. I know she will debate this … so be it, my opinion. *smiles*
I’ve also been quite fortunate that my son, who does not live with me (thank goodness *laughs*) who has always known he had 2 “moms” but who pulled away, perhaps due to peer pressure or due to missing my partner with whom he had a great bond, called me the other day to wish me a safe trip and a Merry Christmas and said that he was glad I was happy and loved again. That is a HUGE step for him.
I actually used a virtual world called Second Life as a healing road and I have to say that I have travelled miles. But I also have to say that I now feel that who I am is right for me. That it doesn’t matter what those who claim to know me think or want. Those that DO know the real me, will never try to make me change who I am or why I am.
I have a wicked (not in a bad way) sense of humour that has seen me through many a rough patch. SO with that I say … be true to yourself, you matter. Acquaintances are different to friends. Change because you feel the need, NOT because you are told to by someone claiming to know what is best for you.
I wish you blessings and hope that you finally find your niche. *smiles*
Bound in Honour and her love,